Hobby please.

I've always been happy dabbling in everything, trying new things and fitting in with different crowds. Now that I have lived here over 10.5 months, still without a lot of friends, I really need to tune into what I want to do with my free time.
If I don't preplan things I end up not doing anything or opposite from what I should be doing.
This weekend I watched 2 seasons of 12 1 hour episodes of Sons of Anarchy (great FX channel show but needs more sex). Yup. Almost 24 hours of tv straight. I don't usually watch programs because that's what happens when I find a new show I love. Then I am left in a dream world wondering what my life would be if I was in that life.
I'm also left heart broken because I usually am not able to stream all seasons due to the channel not releasing them - and I haven't pirated video in a few years.

Anyhow, I would like to find my calling soon as I'm getting a little restless and starting to get wonderlust.

First day back.

Had a session with my trainer today. Felt good to be active again- my body was trying to figure out what was going on after weeks of nothing.

She has dropped many inches and made me jealous. She said she has changed her diet and has been doing more floor work. It came about after her sister, who she hadn't seen in a long time, commented how big she was. She is Chinese and has a slightly bigger build so has been made fun of most her life for not being like the others and therefore has low self esteem.. go figure, even trainers have body issues. She is looking so lean and fabulous.

We always have great conversation as she is easy to talk to and brings a lot out of me that I can't easily say to others. It's as tho I can use her to outwardly express all the things I know deep down but am too scared to say or don't want to say.

I was able to get a lot out today that has been weighing on me and hopefully will clear my mind for steps I need to take to get back to getting to my goals.

I will get there.

The weight of it all.

Every morning is supposed to be the first day I start walking again. I keep reminding myself how I used to do it, I can do it and will do it, but these little pep talks yield no return. This morning I even got as far as putting my sports bra and t-shirt on.
I thought that having a trainer would do it but when he left the substitute just didn't cut it. I'm trying to forget the ridiculous price I paid.
When I see the clock at 5:15am, nothing says to me "get up and exercise." I love sleep too much for that shit.
And then there is my diet... I know what I need and should be doing, but apparently haven't accepted the fact that I can't eat the same way others do without counteracting it some way.
I feel gross.