Thursday, April 21, 2011

Train talk.

I spend a lot of time on the train, at least 2 hours of my day. During that time it's mostly quiet. The passengers are usually still fighting to wake up or are so exhausted from their day that they are fighting to stay awake. It's rare to make eye contact except from the occasional few that are just plain staring.

Mornings are great for what I call "the crazy train." That's apparently when the good lord speaks the most through his people. Correction: yells through his people. Somehow I have the exact same morning  schedule and throught process for train selection as others because I often wind up on the train with the exact same crazies.
I can only laugh when said people go on and on(often making no sense) and then pick up their bags to get off at their stop as if nothing had just happened. I like to imagine what kind of job position they hold.

Yesterday a child was yelling (granted the kid was at his developmental stage where all they do is yell) and his father told him to quiet down while on the train and I thought to myself, why is it that as a society we will gawk and glare when a child (who is still learning how to have self control) is loud but when a fully grown adult is making a scene we close our eyes and pretend not to notice?

Evening trains are when the pan handlers and performers come out. The women that just ask for money  usually have a starving child at home and the men claim to need help to get their act together. Yes some of them are honest, but when I smile and say "not tonight" please don't stand there, make yourself cry and then beg the lord for forgiveness. It doesn't help.

Guitars, keyboards, drums, electric saxophone, accordion, yes I've seen a variety of instruments played in the train - some well and the others I often have to question if the instrument is broken or if the person really sucks that bad.

Young men often have dance routines to display. Using the poles and bars to do flips from.

There are also the bootleg dvds (usually sold by Koreans and are pornographic), candy bars/ fruit snacks and incense sellers.

The talent and degree of begging changes with the train and demographic it travels towards but is most concentrated in Manhattan up too the early 100's where all types of people are riding- wouldn't make sense to seek help from the poor.

My current train is very quiet except for the occasional adolescent getting overly expressive. I usually get a seat both ways which helps since my back continues to give me issues and the ride is long.

All but 15 minutes of the ride is above ground allowing me to see some fantastic views of the Manhattan skyline, Brooklyn and queens. My favorite morning was when the air was thick of fog and a light lawyer of snow covered the cemetery.

It's comforting to see familiar faces when traveling. Eases some of the loneliness I often feel when I realize I'm not in Kansas anymore.

I love not having to drive myself everywhere but also hate that some things aren't as convenient without my own transportation living as far as I do.

I used to spend just over a hour driving to SF to party. Now I spend just over a hour on the train to get to work.

When I first moved here it was 89$ but bumped to 104$ for a monthly unlimited pass (or 2.25 per ride) in January. Most corporations offer a discount or partial pay benefits, but of course not the one I work for. The pass is good for the train(subway) and busses(excluding special express ones). It's a lot less expensive than the long island or new jersey railroad which each cost over 300 a month- those are more like Amtrak type trains and more well kept.

Ok, enough train nonsense.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Welcomed thoughts.

Death consumed my thoughts on the train ride to work yesterday. I had been thinking lovely thoughts about how I feel I'm finally doing something right and how this can't really be all there is, is it?
I was scared/ confused/ saddened not about death but that when I do go I may not remember all the beauty I've seen, all the things I've accomplished or all the amazing people I love. My mind kept trying to wrap around the possibility of not remembering my own existence until there where tears running down my cheeks.
I tend to put things off for another day, but I'm not guaranteed another day and if this is all there is I better make the most out if it before my time runs out. And so, four months into it, I've finally found the theme for my 28th year.

Doing now (or as close to now) what I would have put off or not done at all.

First task- shave my legs. Hah!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I want my time back.

In CA I had way too much free time, now I have very little.
I went from a 30 hour work week to  40+ all of which I was fully aware would happen when I moved.
The thing I was not expecting was the amount of love I would find again for living.
I feel like the honeymoon stage of being here is coming to an end only because things are becoming more and more familiar and I can navigate around less and less without a map. But at the same time its like a first meeting everyday because I'm uplifted by the beauty that's everywhere and in everything. I'm not talking about the type of beauty that's manifested through clothes or the blooming spring flowers (which there is plenty of). I'm referring to the beauty of history and lessons. I love observing everything (not a new hobby) and imagining a story for each thing/person based on what I perceive (new hobby) and what lesson I might be able to take from it.
And this is why I want my time back- I want to learn more.

I plan to be making more big steps in the next year towards this goal among many others.